Taking Ownership of My Journey

What follows is a synopsis from my Journey Continues (JC)* experience…

I find it quite amazing that God led me once again to process my earliest known wound and that post retreat He used an interaction with another random encounter with a believer to prove/test what I had just surrendered. 

In all the modalities offered in JC, I came to view my younger self as an open shelf on which any words could be placed by others. Children that age don’t have the skills to decipher whether or not harm is being done unless a parent is present to protect them. In my case, a parent was present and unknowingly his words landed on the shelf of my mind. 

In the removal and rebuilding phases of JC, I surrendered the ability of others to question/minimize who I am and what I’ve decided in the moment. No longer do people have the ability to add to or remove from a shelf of my life. I have the power and capability to do this myself. I need not cower in fear if my path looks different than others’ paths. Far too long I have let people’s questions of me render me powerless and unable to stand on my own two feet. 

Once I got back to my hotel, post JC, I got into an Uber that took me to dinner. In that short 1.5 mile ride, it became known that my issue was SSA, and I quickly learned that my driver had been set free from SSA over 30 years ago, eventually marrying a woman and then having a daughter. He asked if he could join me for dinner.

During the rest of our time, he told his story and I told mine; however, at least 4 times he interrupted me to tell me how important it is for me to get deliverance ministry. I was growing frustrated with each new reminder. He cared little about God’s work in my life. He seemed to only care as to whether deliverance was part of my process. 

While he paid a visit to the restroom, I asked God if He sent this man to me to tell me that I was wasting my time on all the processes I’d been doing. There was no answer. 

Upon my return to my hotel room, I asked God why He arranged our fascinating and frustrating meeting. I also asked what I was to do with this man’s persistent message that I needed deliverance. 

God spoke this to me, “Joseph, what did you surrender this weekend?”

I replied, “The ability of others to put in me their passions, their immanent warnings, etc, or their ability to discount the ways You’ve brought me healing.”

He asked, “Did you let him convince you that you were in error?”

“I didn’t,” I replied.

To which He said, “I’m proud of you.”

I realized that God used this man to prove to me that my no was intact. 

A couple of days later I remembered a similar incident with a confident believer who had invited me to be mentored by him when he wasn’t being vulnerable and he was being vague in his ministry’s practices. My encounter with that man produced more anger in me and my no carried a bit of fear, probably because of the forceful nature he employed. 

God used both these experiences, and the  fine-tuning of my voice through JC, to show me where my no is weak and needs deeper resolve. 

It has always been parents, leaders, pastors, bosses who’s words and looks of dismay cause me to second-guess my personal choices employed for walking with God, and thus who I am at my core as an adult. 

I am amazed how God continues to weave together various experiences with similar messages and threads of truth for making my foundation secure. 

Journey Continues: Living In Your Gold - Brothers on a Road Less Traveled