Small talk can be difficult for me. Maybe that’s because there’s a place in my soul that’s still crying out to be soothed—and normal conversation can feel like a waste of time. But I’m learning that small talk can actually be a bridge toward deeper connection, if I let it be.
As I’ve grown in understanding my value, my worth, and my sameness with my church family, that tendency has softened. I’ve learned to enjoy connecting with a wider range of people, even around more everyday topics.
But my growth has been slow and steady over a lifetime—and God has been intentional in it every step of the way. We don’t have to have everything figured out—our addictions gone or our souls fully healed—to be a blessing to others. Sometimes it’s the still-raw places, the things God is actively working on, that He wants us to share.
I’ve been seeing Revelation 12:11 in a fresh way:
“Th
ey have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony…”
It’s written in past tense—but I wonder if it also lives in the present:
“They are defeating him…by their testimony.”
Our witness doesn’t have to be flawless to be meaningful. I once flipped off an unsaved friend who was relentlessly teasing me. A couple weeks later, I went back and asked his forgiveness. That moment of humility stuck with him—and I believe it was one of several imperfect moments that made my faith real and approachable. He’s since become a faithful follower of Jesus.
Sharing our testimony doesn’t just help others—it also reminds us of where we’ve been. During a season of deep depression, I fell into isolation, pornography, and dark thinking. One day, I pushed myself to go to our town fair. There, an unsaved classmate thanked me for something I had written—how it helped her understand some of my struggles. Her words broke through the darkness I was in and gave me a clear opportunity to choose repentance.
God’s work in me continues to bless both me and others. It opens the door for deeper connection. Not everyone wants that—but many people are deeply grateful for it.
My willingness to share both struggles and victories has led other men to seek out deeper connection and accountability. I used to think I was an oddity—someone to be avoided. But I’m learning that the people who relate most are often the ones who benefit most from what God has done in my life.
Over the years, I’ve had several accountability friendships—most lasting only a season due to life changes like work or marriage. But each one has been a gift. It’s refreshing to find men who are willing to move past surface-level connection and pursue something deeper—and to realize how many others actually want that too.
I’ll close with this. My current accountability friendship is with someone who experiences opposite-sex attraction. Because we aren’t triggered by each other’s struggles, we’re able to be fully honest. We can confess deeply without fear of causing the other to stumble. That mutual safety has been a real gift to both of us.
And that’s one of the blessings of living in true community.
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