Jesus Met Me in My Control and Freed Me

Jesus has been leading me through deep soul work—bringing up painful experiences to help me acknowledge how they affected me, learn from them, and repent where needed.

While working through a video and workbook on manipulation and control, I grew uncomfortable. At first, I was focused on how others had manipulated or controlled me. But the Holy Spirit gently shifted my focus to the log in my own eye.

He brought up memories of times I had been manipulated in ways that seemed playful but were aimed at gaining attention, praise, or control. It hurt to realize I’d been coerced in the name of fun, but deeper still was the realization that I’ve done the same.

The thought of this was familiar and painful to think about; I knew that I had engaged in this sort of behavior myself. I remembered manipulating others to join me in sin or cleverly trying to secure more of someone’s time instead of trusting God to provide what I needed relationally.

After I finished my study, I turned to my journal and wrote the following: 

I see how I too want others to be as I am, and that little games I play are attempts to manipulate others to get them to do as I want. My own unsettledness is grounds for manipulation of others, even attempts to control them. It’s ugly. It’s wrong. It needs to find its end on the cross.

I prayed:

“Father, I ask for your forgiveness for this behavior. I renounce it and ask for your help to walk in repentance from it. Free me from codependent behavior that keeps this control at play. Teach me how to relinquish everyone and everything back to you.”

Right after writing that, three involuntary things happened: I burped, yawned, and stretched my chest forward. Because these followed repentance, I wondered if a stronghold had been broken.

Later that day—and every day since—chronic fatigue that had plagued me since childhood was gone. For most of my life, I’ve needed a daily nap to function. But aside from allergies or a rough night’s sleep, I haven’t needed a nap since!

I’m still in awe over this miracle.

(This healing took place on the morning of August 15, 2024.)

Update: This testimony was highlighted in a recent sermon series on Ephesians. It was included in the section on spiritual warfare from Ephesians 6:10-20. His reading of my testimony begins at about the 33-minute mark.

Click here to watch or listen.